After two deaths in the family, I was for a couple of months reclusive and lonely yet I live normal as I could. I return back to the same activities everyday and I did not cry. I was so busy that I don’t have time to grieve and to feel sorry. I lost a brother-in-law who treated us like his own family and I doted on him too. I hope he felt that when he was alive. My real brother is a different story. He doted on me when I was growing up. He has little but he would always share it me. I moved on and live my life, we rarely see each other. But he was always there waiting for me, the same brother all through those years, his heart, his ways and the way he cares for me. I witnessed this when he was dying. I am not religious but I am very spiritual. I set aside the thought that he could be dying because I was busy with my life. The night before he died, he visited me in my dreams, he looked young wearing his favorite striped shirt, he whispered to me he will go ahead first, he embraced me and kissed my head. I woke up wondering that morning so I called back home, I realize that he was about to die yet he patiently waited for my call. I put down the phone with a heavy heart and by 12:30 pm, he passed away.
It all starts with God and it will end with God.
Yes, 49 and the thought of aging makes me panic. The hard truth of aging is in me.. the roots of my hair have turned white, I can’t do anything with my bulging stomach.. for God’s sake I don’t eat that much..oh yes, cut it out..I do bake but it doesn’t mean that I eat them..no of course not! Don’t ever tell me to exercise, jog or walk because I am busy, I have no time for those besides Im dieting you know. The privilege of aging is that I can get angry. Excuse me, I’m in my perimenopause stage but it doesn’t mean I am menopause already. I have 5 more years to suffer it so please stop asking if it stops already. I hate that question duh! you don’t ask that question, are you my doctor? ha ha ha! Don’t tell me that age is just a number because its a lie. The reality is you feel the changes in your body, theres ache, sometimes its kinda hard to recall. I realized that aging gracefully happens only when you accept the challenge of your age. Focus on things that matter to you most. Do things that will produce positive influence in your outlook.. Be positive even if you’re in pain, tired and sometimes lonely.
I turned 49 and two of my love ones went back to God. Yes, this is happening ..the reality that life is short..is real and we are not in control of whats gonna happen today and tomorrow. Back then I was not bothered by days and years, you see I have this excuse to myself: “.Oh darling.. you have all the time in the world.” then at 49 two deaths in a row happened, suddenly I am in panic.. “Oh my God Im losing track of time and I need to hurry up.’ Don’t tell me to relax because I can’t afford to do that..no no no!. God has given me ample time. He waited for me patiently to finally muster my courage and stand up for the things that He hope and wanted me to do so. What?.. at 49, isn’t it too late.. but I believe that in God’s way and timing, there won’t be early nor too late.Everything happens for a reason in His own perfect time for us. Yeah, its too cliche but its true. I know that, trust me.
Dear God, I turned 49 ,may it be a reminder that sooner it wiI end with you
Regardless of what Ive been through I see things, I appreciate life and Im ready.
Forgive me for being adamant, discouraged, tired.. with all my bouts of complaints
It all starts with you and as the remaining years of my life unfolds
Help me to fulfil what you have envisioned me to be
For apart from being a woman and a partner to the man you gave me
The children that you gifted to me, my work,f amily and friends
There is something more between you and me that I needed to do
Help me to fulfil your call, make my life a gift to my family and others.
These are just my musings because I am now 49 and Im sure I am not alone. There are others out there who feels the same way I do. Well its alright, the harsh reality of aging is real..right in front of us but we can still do better. I believe its about time to do other things besides being a wife, a mom, a worker and friend. Yes, its starts with God, and we are accountable in the end to do something for God, to return the favour of his loving kindness to us. May God Bless us all.. Oh you all Mom at 49, Lets eat. Lets giggle. Lets be merry.
Weeks ago I turned 42 and suddenly I feel so strange. I would find myself thinking about a place I certainly do not know nor I have been before.I am thinking about a place near the countryside where I have a you know what? country home! with a dog,a cat and bunny. The idea of a garden with flowers and veggies is so refreshing that I often think about it. I am seeing a country style kitchen where finally I can turn my dough into bread! Then I would shake myself and begin to ponder the reality that my son has just turned 15 and my daughter will turn 10 this Sept. Suddenly I thought of getting back on the payroll. I wonder if there’s anything left at 42 and grabbing back a career.(what?) I let those years passed embracing my home as a mother, wife and a homemaker. I wont say its a choice but I cant bear the thought of leaving my kids to a nanny who would just come and go. Is it a choice or Am I trapped because I became a mother? I wonder if there’s a soul out there who has the same dilemma like me. Oh speak up and bless our souls, Pretty Mama! (because its not easy to open up) Is this an effect of 40’s syndrome or is there a so called 40’s syndrome? Oh my,I know that I have traveled half of my longevity and ready or not I need to fasten my seat belt because the road ahead is longer than the usual… (more…)
Life is a cycle of constant adventures. These adventures could be happy, or lonely, joyous and triumphant. But whatever it is, adventures are part of us. They make us live and bring fulfillment to our lives.
At first I thought I have the most promising life because I have faith in God. I thought God would be so kind and gracious enough to give me everything I need because I have had my share of pain and hardships in life. But I was wrong,the adventures of life proves to be uncertain and sometimes things might turn out the exact opposite of what we wished for. And so,to create harmony and balance in my life, I welcome life as constant adventure. Having this kind of perception about life gives me comfort and stability. I have to keep up with myself and remain adventurous all the time or else life would be boring,unhappy and unkind. Well,I don’t prefer any of these things because they are options to replace or destroy my adventures in life.
This year my son has again got an award academically for his performance in school. I realize that I am now facing and actually dancing with the present adventures. I remember his first day of school here in Singapore, that was month of July ( almost 2 years ago) and school was currently running on its third term. There was health check up on that day and they were asked to remove their shoes together with their socks and so one by one they went inside the clinic barefoot.After the check up he moved outside to collect his shoes but one of his socks was missing. My son continued to put on his shoes wearing only one of his socks and then he walked outside the room and went home. When I think about it,my heart melts and I feel proud because my son has his own adventure and he knows how to handle it. Of course my husband and I knew that someone tried to bully him. He is becoming a man and we are far away from home. My daughter is growing up quickly and in no time at all, she will enter the stage of puberty. We have left part of our lives back home and theres no turning back.
The whole family is actually riding an adventure and honestly I love it. I cant wait to know what will happen next.I discovered that the best way to cope up with uncertainties in life is by merely accepting what is currently happening on your life and believe that God is gracious all the time. We face and we create adventures and knowing in our hearts that God hold our hands during those times is truly an adventure of a lifetime.
This post has been entered in “Changing the World One Word at a Time” Please visit and check out the other great posts
I recently celebrated my birthday.I am now 42 and I feel the changes in my body.My brain has the same funny young at heart tendencies but my body is slowly reacting.My friends greeted me.I thanked them and told them that I am trying to keep up with my youth.I have the natural signs of aging.My hair,my precious brown hair is now darker because of hair coloring.The roots of my hair has turned white so I opted to color my hair and now it looks very different.My usual thin body structure is now large..I wish I could go back to medium size.If I could only turn back the hands of time but thats impossible.I looked back and I realized life has taught me a lot after all.Life is not a game..we can have fun but in the end we take and we live the consequences.There is always a time for everything.
I started my life seriously at the age of 17,that was when I entered college and I needed to work while finishing college.It was a tough life and every time I looked back,I consider it survival of the fittest.But early on,I chose what I wanted to do,I want to survive and make a difference.My life is not easy.But there is joy,serendipity and silence.Whatever the circumstances,I learned to fight,to cope up.I was once a center tutor (for a tribal minority Mission),a sales staff in a shoe store,a teacher,a failed social worker(I couldn’t make it then,the travel time fr my sister’s place was so long…my body gave up),so I went back to teaching.I shifted to another job,an office job and during that period I met a guy,fell in love,got pregnant,then got married.I went back to teaching again until family became a priority,I decided to become a homemaker and a student again(graduate school).I even put up a small shop with the help of my husband and in the end I failed.Well,charge it to experience.
After my failed attempt to become an entrepreneur,I thought about of making some changes.The pressure of turning 40 was so visible to me.Suddenly I want changes,I need changes with the way my life was going on,with the kind of relationship I have with my husband,family and others.I just woke up one day with the thought of changes.I needed to curve it out.It happened and I am glad I did it.Sometimes you need to make a turning point and you need to do it alone.When that happens,then you become your own person and you realize you’ve got your own needs too.Things that are not good could turn positively into faith and hope and in the end love.Throughout my journey,I have great faith too,I talked to God all the time.He is my source of love and wisdom and I know He is fair and just.
Every woman is a person,not a camouflage.I enjoy conversation,making friends and I am not afraid to share my experiences.There are people out there who might need my reflections as a woman,as a person and probably they are just right there in one corner,afraid and lonely.Well,turning 40 was stressful and crazy but it has given me a new perspective.It was a great turning point and I would cling to it all the time.Now I’m 42,I can only delay the signs of getting old.I can only play games in the kitchen,experience the chaos of taste in my palate.
I am getting older and its not a joke,its not a game.Half of my longevity is over and now its about time to face serious matters.This is the time to adapt and make changes in my body in terms of diet,exercise and supplement.Life is what we make it so they say.I may never have the fun of life as a young child,a growing teenager and a promising adult but that is fine.We may not have the best bargain in the world but we have life and that matters most.
This post has been entered in the One Word at a time Carnival. The word is GAMES. Please visit and view many interesting posts there at: http://peterpollock.com/2011/05/games-blog-carnival/
I recently got an invitation from Hazel Moon of A Joyful Noise to participate in Carnival Blog. The topic’s theme is Goals. She told me that my post was happy and if I could consider write my goals of sharing happy recipes and suggestion to others. Naturally, I thought about it. I felt glad that somehow someone recognized my post as a happy one and in that case it makes me happy. I finally realized that I am happy yet I don’t know it. The world is so marvelous and magnanimous at the same time and we failed to see it.Here is my share:Life is An Armful of GoalsAs a young child, I have great interest for food. Don’t get me wrong cause I don’t mean eating. I love to think how a meal was cooked and I spent my childhood playing with my clay pot set. Those were the days and now I’m a mother, a wife, a homemaker and oh yes…I bake and I cook. I get to do these things and they are both a duty and privilege. I love these two activities, they keep me going. My children and my husband are like bunch of cookies in my kitchen…sometimes I just want to grab them and eat them too.I do get tired and I am mean and cranky too.
It never occurred to me that one day I will be a wife, a mom and a homemaker. Sometimes life is full of surprises. We set goals, we aim to reach our goals. The more we try harder, then it appears difficult to reach the target line. I always wanted to become a working person. I have money to save and to spend for shopping and lets say a vacation. I dream of going to places, enjoy the night and drink tequila or margarita. The reality is I’m stuck here.. right in another place of the world..in a three bedroom flat..in a building..instead of my heart’s longing to be in a landed house near the sea shore with my family..with a cat, a dog and a bunny.
I long to own a country style kitchen where I could make some pancake, bake my own bread and entertain my friends. I would love to teach again and meet people. I have thousand things in my mind. I want to talk, I want to share. I realized that these are my hearts longings, my hearts desire. Can these be my goals too? I don’t know because life is so unpredictable. Life and goals are both full of surprises to handle. They can make us laugh and they can make us cry. But don’t worry, in no time at all, we will be ready for goals and surprises again.. yes, that’s the bravest act on earth. In times like these, I need my kitchen to inspire me. My kitchen is the best place in the whole wide world!
Baking and cooking are like goals in life..you’ll never know whats gonna happen next. The thrill of finding our pleasure is always on hand. I learned that in cooking and baking, we need our passion..our never ending curiosity to cook..to bake.. to research…. to copy…to change and finally to formulate something that you can call your own..your baby..your pride..your glory…In the end you top it with love, care and understanding. Do not be afraid to try, change or substitute cause that’s where you learn…now I realized I have goals. Have a blessed day to everyone.
” Lord, bless me and protect me. May everything I prepare will be like a lamp of love and a comfort to my family’s yearnings. Help me to share and appreciate the presence of these people from blogging. I may not know them personally but it is always a gift to interact with people. And oh..by the way..I plan to bake a chili cheese cookie”
P.s.. I have photos here..inside my favorite place in Singapore..the Sheng Shiong Market. These lovely fruits are like goals and surprises too…. Hmmmnnn what do you think…? my mind is getting active again..but I have to go now… see you all and have fun!
This post has been entered in “Changing the World One Word at a Time” Please visit and check out the other great posts at: Goals Blog Carnival
What is innocence? it is simplicity describes as the absence of guile or cunning, as being naive without the knowledge or lack of understanding. We are all product of our innocence and at one point of our lives, things happened and so the road to awakening has just started. Once the process of awakening happened we cant go back. It is like knowing what is good and what is right..to forgive or not to forgive..to love or not to love. The challenge to live and to do good is always a welcome option. No matter how much we try to become innocent again, it wont happen that way because we already have surpassed the boundaries..our limitations On the other hand and the brighter side of it..the outcome is our gift of awakening, the fullest knowledge of what is good and fruitful for us .We become our very own person and so the challenge goes……..
I will never forget how God came into my life..He used my Cathechism teacher as instrument. I learned about God’s goodness and promises, that he cared for me and that awakened my innocence. As a child, I was good, dutiful and kindhearted. I accepted everything without complain. Growing up and becoming a teenager, life proved to be more challenging but because of my faith and my innocence, I managed to survived. But getting older meant tougher decisions and everyone has different awakenings..there is good and bad and we are all exposed to these. Therefore, no matter how much we try to be pure and fight for our awakening, we will fall and we will be challenged.. will get hurt and we will get angry.
Innocence is a path to awakening that there are choices to be made in life. It is our guiding force to become sane and human even we are in pain. Awakening proves to be a dangerous place because we are vulnerable to commit mistakes, to become ungrateful and to harbor anger but on the other hand this awakening is our guiding force to protect ourselves from dangers, from hurt and from pain.These two are both gifts from Above…we were provided with innocence to experience joy and love, to offer care and to feel for humanity. Awakening is a gift of knowledge with boundless provisions for learning and that through awakening we will be able to protect our innocence and not to use against it.
In life,I have learned that in order to protect my innocence…my awakening should be a knowledge of consideration to what is good and what is harmful to me and to others..that innocence is a way of loving and maintaining your faith to him and to others even when the road is rough. Awakening sometimes is painful and you may commit mistakes but it is there and we should use our awakening to protect ourselves and to experience goodness and peace towards the end.
Dear God..help me to protect my innocence for it is your loving gift to me
Likewise help me to become thankful with your gift of knowledge
I did not ask for it..yet I know I should be grateful instead
For these two has become your way of showing me that I am human..
That you are there and that you constantly care for me…
Help me to always travel the road bearing my innocence and use my awakening to create a better life for me and for others…
This post has been entered in “Changing the World One Word at a Time” Today’s word was Innocent. Please visit and check out the other great posts at: http://peterpollock.com/2011/09/innocence-blog-carnival/