Weeks ago I turned 42 and suddenly I feel so strange. I would find myself thinking about a place I certainly do not know nor I have been before.I am thinking about a place near the countryside where I have a you know what? country home! with a dog,a cat and bunny. The idea of a garden with flowers and veggies is so refreshing that I often think about it. I am seeing a country style kitchen where finally I can turn my dough into bread! Then I would shake myself and begin to ponder the reality that my son has just turned 15 and my daughter will turn 10 this Sept. Suddenly I thought of getting back on the payroll. I wonder if there’s anything left at 42 and grabbing back a career.(what?) I let those years passed embracing my home as a mother, wife and a homemaker. I wont say its a choice but I cant bear the thought of leaving my kids to a nanny who would just come and go. Is it a choice or Am I trapped because I became a mother? I wonder if there’s a soul out there who has the same dilemma like me. Oh speak up and bless our souls, Pretty Mama! (because its not easy to open up) Is this an effect of 40’s syndrome or is there a so called 40’s syndrome? Oh my,I know that I have traveled half of my longevity and ready or not I need to fasten my seat belt because the road ahead is longer than the usual….
When your childhood is broken,its not meant to be yours.Leave it in one corner and make it an inspiration to create a better you,a better perspective and that will bring joy instead.It is not easy,the road ahead is rough and rocky but a guiding force up there will carry you.Slowly,you wont notice that you walked forward and that part in one corner is just a memory at all.
Motherhood,being a wife and homemaking is a life of unexpected events.Sometimes you wont know either if your own little voice can hear you,if theres any opinion running inside your brain.As long as the finances at home is fine then maybe I am fine.It is ridiculous and crazy.Don”t ever do that.Most of the time,I was a realist without a choice.But things change,people change and so do I.Events came that brought me to wake up one day, found my old self again.It is true,once a woman quit her job and chose to become a stay at home mom,something changed and you wont be the same again.
You are a woman,beautiful,smart with great needs.Every man’s responsibility besides bringing home the bacon is to make you happy and satisfied.You can bring out the best in him yet he could bring out the worst in you and thats pretty bad.
A husband is the source of good old solid foundation at home when he becomes weak,the house crumbles and shakes.A wife is like a light that shines and warms everyone.If a man becomes weak,then the light itself in a woman’s heart will try to produce great light,it radiates and it shines.
The worst thing that could ever happen to a man ..is.. when the light of his dominion has lost the power to create light that even a slightest blink is no more.We should not be afraid to control the light inside us..its ours.
When the road is tough,be brave and walk the other way around or you could go straight ahead towards the source of your light..our guiding force up there who forever witness our trails on the road.
Why would these things and memory lane came up?This 40 syndrome is freaking me out really yet through my memory lane I learned and I appreciate that each journey is worthy of God’s precious gift, I am a woman and I carry the gift of light.